So... what's up. College blows kinda... just like the subject title suggests.

After the flat tire at Shields Library, I got another 5 flat tires. I've been so down in the dumps lately.. and I would really rather not show that to my dormmates/neighbors in fear that the might call up CAPS and send me to therapy sessions in fear I may up and kill myself. Might I add that I get 10 free shrink sessions per quarter? Isn't that awesome? I think it is. I should go to use my 10 soon since winter quarter is coming up quick. So yeah since I was in the fucking dumps since I've been here pretty much, the 5 flat tires within 2 weeks really threw me over the cliff. I fixed the back tire.. and found a thistle in my front tire. That feeling of wrath and sheer fiery anger never felt better at the time... I wanted to kill my bike... and burn it down to ashes. Fucking thistles.. how I wish to burn your souls!!! So anyways.. the fact that I just spent a while figuring out how to take out my back tire/ chain/ screws and such.. to find out that my front tire was flat too just made me breakdown. I wouldn't call it a nervous breakdown.. I think it's reeeeeeeeeally safe to call it a mental breakdown. Because I just ran upstairs called my mother and cried like a 5 year old. I haven't cried to hard that I shook and convulsed in a VERY VERY long time, and it was so bad that I was actually making crying noises.. it wasn't even the silent cry. My mother thought I was laughing.. yes, I was crying THAT bad. I wasn't just depressed because of the bike tires mind you.. it was.. too many things that I refuse to talk about on this journal in fear of some backstabbing, ass kicking that may follow.

On the other hand, I lost 3 lbs since school started. I hardly go to the DC, and I cook almost every night. Pasta has never tasted so good... cereal overdose too.

My aloe plant is growing quite fondly and beautifully. It is taller and getting bigger. A new pot was exactly what it needed.

Paul came to visit me yesterday. I went to visit him today. I baked him cookies. I gave him the best cookies out of all of them.. the soft non-burnt chewy ones. Only the best for the brother. I wouldn't imagine any less.

I like the Strokes. ALOT.

I had no sound driver right now. I can't listen to anything. I'm listening to my mp3 player plugged into my power strip with a DC adapter.

I watched alot of movies. Love Actually, A Lot Like Love, Donnie Darko, Chicken Little, I <3 Huckabees, Unleashed (don't watch this one.. it's sickly degrading).

I'm going to turn 18 in a few months...I will have yet another mid-teen crisis.. just like every year since I can remember being a little kooky.

Oh. I hate alot of people right now. I'd explain, but I'm pretty tired of the people around me. Seeing people too much (like everyday or even alot) makes me sick of them. Annoyed I should say.

I'm supposed to write my Wildlife essay right now, but I can't seem to get started. I really hate how I can bust out an update in 5 minutes flat, but I can't write an essay for the life of me.

I missed a class.. because I thought it was at a different hour. Isn't that punkass? Not me, but the whole time thing. Such a punkface.. I woke up thinking why should I wake up if I have class at 11.. I had class at 10. Philosophy Lecture.. GAH :\

I think I'm getting sick.

I'm going back to work.. but I feel like painting my nails.


My thesis for right now: "Though the North Area Pond looks natural, it is cramped by development and is but a cheap zoo."

I got a flat tire yesterday after going to Shield's library. I JUST PUT IN THE NEW INNER TUBES A MONTH AGO! :\ BOO.
I have 5 bruises on my legs. The biggest of which is right on my CALF. This is what biking does to you, I swear.
I have a cut on each thumb, a slice on my elbow (ALL FROM MY BIKE).

Conclusion? Bikes are dangerous as FUCK. Davis is bike land.. and YES, THERE ARE BIKE ACCIDENTS. I saw one last week -- the ambulance and firemen came and the poor kid got lifted into a stretcher equipped with neck brace and bandages. :\ I swear the average speed we ride here is like... 10-15 mph. Scary huh? Of course theres the slower people, but damn when you go really fast (which I have experienced) you start to lose control and you know it too. Scary stuff biking in the ole UCD.


In other news, I've watched many a movies lately. Wallace & Grommit (which was full of sexual puns, but good nonetheless), Madagascar, The Life Aquatic w/ Steve Zissou, 40 year old Virgin, part of LOTR (the 2nd one pissed me off).

Andie bought me marshmallows! =] Then he failed at guessing what other things I'd want to eat.
Andie: "I got cookies"
Ann: *looks at packaging* ".. I don't like pecans"
Andie: "DAMNNIT!" *throws down cookies*
..
Andie: "We bought popsicles. You want a Teen Titan popsicle?"
Ann: *points at Raven* Can I cut that out when you're done with it?
Andie: "You can have the box."
Ann: "Thanks"
Andie: "You want a popsicle?"
Ann: "No. I don't like popsicles"
Andie: "Damn!"

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ann: "Itsa GROOD time!!"
Pearson: "We haf a holy cock"
Andie and Ann: (after like 503958 minutes of laughing) "You said holy cock!"
Pearson: "NO I said CLOCK!!"

and i'll leave it at that.

andie the loser made me update. he just fucking nodded his loser head. he's eating a PB and banana sandwich.. that I TAUGHT him to eat.

so. anywhooooo. we're having midterms. i hate midterms. HATE THEM. HATE THEM!!

Matt: No I gotta pack to move.
Ann: No you aren't. I already know.
James: No no, he's moving to cuarto this time (James LAUGHS like I've never seen him laugh before)

Pearson: When you're skinny, you have alot of skin.

Pearson: Uh-oh. Do the LOCOMOTION.

Ah ah  nanka II kanji
Aozora umi dou? kono LOCATION
Ah ah  MAJI de NICE BODY
COME ON BABY DO THE LOCOMOTION

Ah ah  LOCOLOTION  Ah ah  LOCOLOTION...

(Rap)
KANARI  NOOTENKII
TORO PIKARU BUNGEE JUMP

Hi! sweet agatteke
Yo! tokoton HORA HOT sashikomu taiyou
"HIGH TENSION PLEASE" CHIRA RIZUMU  GIRIGIRI
Dou misetai? SHOW TIME shoutai
Natsu no dai SAMAASEERU!

Kimi wa hibi TELL ME? fukuramasu mousou!?
Manatsu ni hajimaru SERENAADE Oh Oh Oh

(#REPEAT)
Shigeki tappuri no kimi e ESCORT shitee~!!

(Rap)
HICCHI HAIKU OK! BAIBUREESHON
Takamaru ADORENARIN*  boku DOKUDOKU
Komekami PANCHINGU  PANCHIRA  PANPAN
GORIGORI MUSIC shanai wa NORINORI

Saa saa mina de koe wo soroete utaimashou
Shigeki ga hoshi kerya BAKA NI NARE  Oh Oh Oh

(#REPEAT)
Shigeki tappuri no kimi e ESCORT shitee~!!
Ah ah LOCOLOTION  Ah ah  LOCOLOTION...

(#REPEAT)

Ah ah  nanka II kanji
Futari tsutsumu  kuuki  SLOW MOTION
Ah ah  MAJI de NICE BODY
COME ON BABY  OTSUKIAI koushou
Shigeki tappuri no  ana e ESCORT shitee~!!
Ah ah  LOCOLOTION  Ah ah  LOCOLOTION...

Kevin as Hung: You are a pathetic loser <3 Hung

Matt: Hello, pillow, HELLO! Hello, pillow, Hello!

Ann: Are you guys eating at the Segundo?
Matt: Is that what we call it now? The Segundo? ... Wanna eat at.. THE SEGUUUNDOO (imagine a Spanish accent similar to the Gooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaall type deal)

Unnamed: I'm going to be a fat penis munch
Ann: HAHAHAHAH Did you just say you wanted a fat penis to munch on?!?
Unnamed: No!!

...SOCAL kids don't know what "janky" means by the way.

Ann: SOCAL kids don't know what "janky" means..
Andie: SOCAL don't know alot of things... like HYGIENE.

Andie: I don't really like our floor.
Ann: I like the upstairs floor.
Pearson: I don't know anyone in this room.
ALL: ...??

Too much has been going on since I got here. I've had the worst luck in the world with my computer and tech stuff. Thank God for Lani.. seriously. I wouldn't have been able to get on and post or even get my HW readings for WFC.. that I ALREADY have HW for :\ Well actually, I used Andie's computer the days before to fix my classes and check/send email. His roomie's pretty awesome so it doesn't really seem as though he minded me hanging around using Andie's computer (Thanks by the way. Your family is a lifesaver)

I've been sleeping too late for the good of me, and I've eaten more cereal than ever before.

I got a ton of free stuff at the Resource Fair yesterday, which is extremely exciting. I've eaten at the DC twice (and our Tercero one is coming along great b/c it looks rrrrrrreeeeeaaaaaly awesome and hot, may I add). I've cooked twice too... clam chowder with spaghetti. You should really try that shit.. it's amazingly good tasting.

Oh dude... I freaking almost got into a bike accident today. Riding around in Davis is so dangerous for sure.

I'll post later. I'm hungry. Hahaha.

I don't care what you say. I'm diggin it.
My bro does this shit for fun. I actually think this one's pretty nice. Anything with good lyrics is cool for me.. and I the lyrics are very fitting.. soooooo in summary, "me likey". =] haha (YOU LIKEY??)
CHECK IT..click the link.. then click the "hifi"


And here are the lyrics:
all this time /i've been reachin for the throne
              /tryin ta make /one of my own
all this time /behind enemy lines
              /tryin to drop a rhyme 
all this time /tryin make a decent beat
              /tryin to take in the heat


now all this time i've never done one of these flows
but each time i do one i'll be back for more tho

i'm not gangsta, richboy or tight producer, i still love hip hop

free expressions, life and dreams watever you got, hah

no rhyming bout guns, pimpin or about my game
cause the last time i checked they weren't next to my name
(no fame, but i still have my name)
no honeys, no money, no click clack
some people flaunt this shit like this and that
and all this time i've been sitting quiet here, here
soakin it up all these years
all i have, is all this time i can use to gain, gain
in what i think is right

Remember! don't hate and discriminate.. don't steal ideas (like SOMEONE I know of..)

To find life may not be to reach all goals in life, but rather to find yourself.
Soul searching. Your average person is waiting to be found.
With diamonds stacked higher than the sky,
You can buy everything.. but your piece of mind.

So I've been thinking alot lately.

So tween years all in, what have you done with your life?
What have you learned about yourself?
When was your last long talk with your parents?
When was the last time 'what to wear' of 'how do i look' was on your mind?
When did you listen and act the first time?
Why did you neglect all that should have been done?
How is it that time seems to fade away?
What makes a memory remembered?
What is a good time?
Who are your friends?
What would you trade to reverse time?
Would you change anything if you could?
Would you be a little more consider, a tad more kind, and a little less fiesty and filled with hate?
What does your summer consist of?
What makes something worth your time?
What is time?
What are the rewards of your every actions?
Are there consequences?
Do you think of them?
Do you live by the attitude that "today is young.. and it is mine to hold"?
What makes one believe that they won't die sooner than they think or hope?

and What am I trying to convey?
Simply put: You're taking life for granted.

It's not the best you can do... it may not be your proudest moment. You may argue with your family, hate them, and think that they hate you. But most of the times.. it's about life. They love you.. you know it. Stubbornness never really helps, unless its something like getting caught in the middle life... purgatory or something along those lines. Given some thought, taking things for granted is somewhat harsh. We have a million English words to compensate for the harshness of the word "granted". Let's see, we have: spoiled, brat, selfish, inconsiderate, tactless, lazy, free, young, youth, children, spendthrift, miser, luxury, conceited, hate, and really the list goes on and on. These words to us are like.. adverbs and adjectives. People ARE these things, and it's somehow okay (thought sometimes used to pinpoint and exploit people) to call people it, yet no one really knows what it means in a sense. What you're essentially saying by using those words, stereotypically or not, is that life is being taken for granted by someone. For example: Tactless.. inconsiderate or incapable of tending to other's emotions or feelings. To me.. its sounds alot like a nice way of saying.. TAKING LIFE FOR GRANTED. See, when you're tactless.. you are neglecting one's feelings thereby not cherishing their presence or extending sympathy to them. You have successfully.. taken that person for granted.

So now, why of all people would I be speaking of taking things for granted, since all people do it.. including me. Well, first off, "everyone else does it, so it's okay" ISN'T okay with me. I'm not everyone else... and neither are you. I have complete faith that in this life, I WILL NOT AND WILL NEVER be able to practice what I "preach". So please just excuse the hypocrisy of this all, but I think the closest I can ever get to living a life strictly cherishing and finding glory in everything in life.. is to accept it and realize it. Know that whenever you take something for granted.. no matter how big or small, that you are in fact taking it for granted. Understand the capabilities to take things for granted.. it's everywhere. In the matter of one exchange with.. possibly ANYTHING.. there can be a MILLION chances of cherishing lost.

My proposition for myself? Realize when I am missing out on being thankful, and catch myself whenever I'm not.

In closing, I feel as though I have wasted 17 years of my life, sitting and mourning over my life when it gets bad, taking advantage of what I have, and not ALWAYS being thankful for it (as I hope everyone else should be too). So, please, please ignore the great big hypocrisy. And with that, I end this discussion and close this thought  until next time my mind explodes in thought (aka tomorrow) (no just kidding) (haha)

PS. Well that was interesting wasn't it... haha. Watch when I read it over later, I'll be like.. What in the FUCK POSSESED ME TO POST ABOUT THAT?!

...brace yourself, but read it anyways

Straight up WTF

Theres something that i cant quite explain
i'm so in love with you
you'll never take that away

and if i said a hundred times before
expect a thousand more
you never take that away


"you do things so half assed"
"no i don't. i wiped the back part alrady."
"everything you do for us is half assed."
"no it isn't"
"actually, yes it is"
"you don't know me, do you?

"you never know what you have until its gone"
"..yeah EXACTLY"
"NO. i'm telling you that."
"and i'm telling you"

:\  

Marry me girl, be my fairy to the world
Be my very own constellation.


Where's my blue sky holiday?
Where's my shoulder to lean on?
Where's my salvation?
Better yet, how long until this ends?

that's pretty much all i have to say. i hardly update anymore.
actually i'm just kidding. i'm bored.
i'm supposed to be popping a drixoral and heading of to bed to sleepy sleepy, being sickly sickerling ann and all.

i went to tahoe for the long wkend. it's beautiful there. i likey. the fireworks were sooo awesome. they were magical! they were matched with music very nicely and such. other than that, the cigarette smoke and elevators made me sick. we had lunch at the old spaghetti factory in Sacramento when driving back home. cobb salad is good.. minus the meat. i tried spinuli or s/t like that.

so i'm sick. i feel like shit and i didn't tutor today. i think i slept like.. 15 hours or something today. my head feels like this humongous balloony.. thing or something. i can't catch my nose. i look like rudolph! and i know that that's incredibly sexy of course. it's probably how i get all the guys. ahahaha (no not literally. its a little inside thing there)

i have anxiety. better worded: my anxiety is coming back. i don't want to talk about it. night.

-keelo

The days pass with a glistening blur.
I can't remember the days or what I've become
All I remember is the sound of piercing emptiness
As I sit alone. All alone
So this is what summertime is.
( oh wow... this is really long )

Andie(1:25:14 PM): i like that hat
Andie(1:25:16 PM): in the first one
Ann(1:25:28 PM): i'll buy you it
Ann(1:25:31 PM): when i die
Andie(1:25:35 PM): haha
Andie(1:25:36 PM): good call
Ann(1:25:37 PM): its probably made outta a real animal
Ann(1:25:46 PM): judging by the looks of it
Andie(1:25:50 PM): yeah
Andie(1:25:52 PM): well
Andie(1:25:54 PM): it IS jlo
Andie(1:25:55 PM): lol
Ann(1:25:58 PM): ..and by the model's facial expression
Ann(1:26:23 PM): it looks as if she's trying to balance 6 badgers on her head that are violently screaming and clawing at her face
Ann(1:26:30 PM): not to be judgemental
Andie(1:26:30 PM): hahaha
Ann(1:26:34 PM): thats just how i see it

i've decided to appreciate everything in life and
to not take things for granted as best as i can.

because i don't know when i'm going to die.
not because of god's natural way of death,
but in fear of myself.

life is only a matter of time. you choose your time. not the pain, but the time.

I can't break the glass wall.
But I'm still trying.
That's not the sad part.
The sad part is that it's hopeless.
that I know I will never be able to break the glass wall.

so this is what destined for nothing is.

I cut my hair! I donated 15 inches! 15 FUCKING INCHES BABY!! I look like i'm in preschool. I should scan my preschool picture and take a picture of my now. You will see the resemblance all too well. (Minus the fact that at 17, and  I didn't chop a chunk of my bangs out). I went yesterday after 1 week in postponement. The lady tied up my hair, and asked me if I was okay with the length. I said it was okay, NOT KNOWING she'd just up and cut it right after. BUT she started snipping .. more like hacking through my thick ponytail. SO SAD.. then she cleaned up.

If you've even watched The Profession (Leon), you would know.. that with a hat.. I look like Natalie Portman who plays Madeline in the movie. Kinda scary, but its the haircut haha. I swear... well she's cuter too by alot. hahah

I drove today in San Carlos in a empty parking lot. I pretty much can't backup straight FOR THE GODDAMN LIFE OF ME. I went up a curb a little with one wheel. Yeah... so its that backing up. I can't do it... really. I really don't get the windshield wiper spacing system that my dad was telling me about... is that even the way the DMV ppl teach you? Idk.. sorry dad.. I really don't get you.

Sometimes the things you want.. aren't the things you need.
Sometimes the things you have.. are the things you want.

Sometimes we forget to say thank you, please, you're welcome.
Sometimes we forget to appreciate just how much we have because we aren't accustomed to any less.
Sometimes we yell and bicker to later realize we did so for all the wrong reasons.
Sometimes we say harsh truths only to help, but it comes out all wrong.

Sometimes trying to prevent your worst fear, is to run away... is to admit you're weak.
Sometimes faith is not the best way to go.
Sometimes our greatest wishes seem to not come true, but it is our ignorance that blocks us from seeing it.

Sometimes love doesn't work because the clocks are all wrong.
Sometimes you have no one to blame because there is nothing to blame.

Sometimes life throws you a curveball.
Sometimes life throws you too many curveballs to handle.

Sometimes what it takes is to keep humble and accept that you cannot face life alone.
Sometimes pride clouds eyes and mind.

Sometimes revenge seems the best way to go, even when you know compassion would be a better choice.
Sometimes the best gift you can give someone isn't tangible.

Sometimes we realize that everything in our lives are actually for the best of us. Hardships only made us stronger. Failure only made us more determined. Death only made us more hopeful. School makes us smarter. Arguments test our love towards one another.

Sometimes "sometimes" is just "sometimes"
Sometimes, "sometimes" is ALL the time.

She said,
Ann

So I went to Summer Advising August 1-3. Ummm it was pretty hot up there. My brother drove me there and back.

P: "You have to play a game right when you get there, and YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET A SEAT!"
A: "Nooooo!! SHUT UP!! :'( "
P: "YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET A SEAT!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
A: "AHAHAHAHAHAH.. SHUT UP."


( Here goes: )

I bought a little plant for myself! OH how excited and happy I am! It's an aloe vera plant.. succulent and I happen to love it. =]
IT's the cutest little (actually its pretty big)  thing ever! I really wanted a small fern though :\
So now I'm thinking what to name it...

I took a test online.. because I was bored as hellfire.. so it said I'm the following:
introverted, irritable, feels invisible, observer, depressed, does not enjoy leadership, reveals little about self, dislikes large parties, feels undesirable, does not like to stand out, submissive, suspicious, emotionally sensitive, not a thrill seeker, solitude loving, likes silence, fragile, second guesses self, negative, unadventurous, fearful, weird, focuses on people's hidden motives, paranoid, phobic, dependent, cautious, avoidant, semi intellectual

...i think thats pretty accurate. I'd bold all the things that were true, but they all are.. so what's the point of that? AHAHA.

I'm cutting my hair tomorrow I think. I'm scared. Very scared.

I PLANNED A PICNIC!!! YAY GO ANN! Very unlike me to plan something and actually go out with it.. being introverted and all, but I did it! All by myself! Yay!

Yes, so here's a list of books I want to read that I have conjured.

Anguished English- Richard Lederer
God: The Ultimate Autobiography- Jeremy Pascall
The Alchemist: A Fable about Following Your Dream- Paulo Cuelho
Life of Pi- Yann Martel
Mrs. Dalloway- Virginia Woolf
A Clockwork Orange- Anthony Burgess
Slaughterhouse Five- Kurt Vonnegut
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest- Ken Kesey
Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson- Mitch Albom
The Courage to Be- Paul, Tillich
Irrational Man: A Study in Existential Philosophy- William Barrett
On Bullshit- Harry G. Frankfurt
The Tipping Point- Malcolm Gladwell
The Phantom Tollbooth- Norton Juster
The Color of Water- James McBride
Heart of Darkness- Joseph Conrad
The Doors of Perception/ Heaven and Hell- Aldous Huxley
A Gathering of Old Men- Ernest J. Gaines

Currently Reading: White Noise- Don DeLillo (yeahhh STILL on it. I need more reading time. After my summer advising definately)

---

Oh, and so it'll take me a while to read all of these, because I really don't have enough bank to buy all these books. Maybe I should sell some of my ganja right Jon? hahah jk jk! or..AM I?

---

On the other hand, I'm feeling really artsy. (Instead of studying for those placement tests right? :\ bad ann!) So here is a list of things I would like to buy art-wise: Acrylic Paints
Watercolor
Canvas
Wood Planks (the thin ones)

Yeah, so I'm gonna try to open myself up to other art forms other than what I've kinda been circling around for the last like.. idk 17 years (less but you get my drift).. which would be construction paper/card making, sewing, knitting&crocheting (which i SUCK AT BY THE WAY), crafting, and t-shirt painting.

So right now, I'm going to try paint painting (not t-shirt painting OR bedroom/wall painting). In addition to that, I'm going to work with watercolors! Hahaha. So am some may know, I'm a bit of the umm.. let's say abstract artist types. I can't draw or paint real people or anything, but I can draw cute cartoony things. Sooo yeah, I'm just gonna give it a try. :\ Wish me luck.

That's ALOT OF MONEY I'm going to need to pay for ALL THOSE BOOKS and ALL THOSE ART SUPPLIES.